Jessbook
by PrincessAndula
Summary: Jess unwillingly succumbs to social media. Post- original series, pre-revival, set around October 2012.


Author's Note: I own nothing. This story takes place over April's midterm/fall break from college around October 2012. Cowriter/beta is my BFF, Emily, but she doesn't have her own account.

*Ba ba ba ba ba*

Jess Mariano ambled into Luke's Diner, transferred a worn paperback from his back pocket to the table in front of the window, and relaxed into the chair across from the pretty brunette already seated there. He tilted his chair back and, seeing his Uncle Luke's eyes on him, thought about putting his feet up just to annoy the older man. In the end, his sense of hygiene overrode his need to torment the diner owner who had helped raise him.

"You're late," his tablemate said, without looking up.

"Traffic sucks in this town. I had to wait for Kirk's stupid Segway."

"Nice alliteration. Why didn't you just pass him?"

"He was zigzagging back and forth. I don't think he actually knows how to drive the darn thing."

"He's had it for, like, 10 years!"

"I've known Kirk for longer than that, and I'm pretty sure he hasn't learned anything new the whole time."

They sat in silence for a while. Jess' companion pecked furiously at her laptop keys. Jess opened his book.

*If you're out on the road, feeling lonely, and so cold, all you have to do is call my name, and I'll be there on the next train. Where you lead, I will follow, anywhere that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to be with you, I will follow where you lead. Oh, oh, oh! Where you lead, I will follow, anywhere that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to be with you, I will follow where you lead.*

"Writing some kind of article, there?" Jess eventually questioned, without putting his book down.

"No, trying to explain to this idiot on Facebook that Vermin Supreme doesn't have a chance against Barack Obama, and this country needs Obama for another four years."

"Vermin Supreme, eh? I actually think I might vote for him."

A shocked gasp arose from behind the computer screen, and his interlocutor looked at him for the first time.

"Jess Mariano, you have got to be kidding me! Am I the only person with any brains in this family?!"

Jess smirked, unfazed by the younger woman's insult. Closing his book, he put his elbows on the table, feeling less lethargic for having gotten a rise out of someone, and with a glint in his eye, prepared for an argument.

"Well, you see, little cousin, you're just too young and naïve, and too much of a public high school graduate, to understand that our government has made us all puppets who know nothing about citizenship other than the jingoistic crap they force-fed you at school. That's why I dropped out."

"Dad said it's because you kept skipping class to go work at Walmart and you flunked," the teen countered with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, I was stimulating the economy! Anyway, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted. Vermin Supreme will guide us into the future. He'll gradually dismantle the ineptocracy, end tooth decay, and figure out the secret to time travel. You like time travel—what's that space Doctor Whatzit show you're always going on about?"  
 **  
**"It's Doctor Who," his cousin responded drily, "And it's sci-fi. I don't expect it to actually be real."

Now it was Jess' turn to raise an eyebrow. He'd heard April Nardini monologue over the scientific possibility of time travel over dinner with her dad and his girlfriend, his mom, stepdad, and half-sister last year over the holidays. And Jess' ex-girlfriend, who was his uncle's girlfriend's daughter…but he wasn't going to go there. Anyway, Jess' little sister Doula had been fascinated, and the two girls had sat down to a Doctor Who marathon after Christmas dinner and presents **.**

"Wait a minute…tooth decay?!"

"I happen to think dental hygiene is very important…" Jess knew he was losing her. "But the main point is that he's going to dismantle the System. We're way overdue for the death of the military-industrial machine. "

The diner door opened and two more brunettes bounced in, with beanies on their heads and shopping bags in their hands, chattering like magpies. The younger woman waved as she walked over, then glanced at April's laptop.

"Debating someone else about the election?" she asked, gesturing at the screen, where April's rant against Vermin Supreme remained unsent. 

"Oh, so we're back to Facebook." Jess reached for his actual book.

"You're not on Facebook, are you, Jess?"

"Nope." 

Rory smiled at him. He thought she looked affectionate, almost, but she was probably just being her friendly self.

"Didn't thi—coming, Mom!" their friend interrupted herself as the older of the duo dragged her away impatiently. "Sorry, guys!" she mouthed as she walked backward toward the counter with her mother tugging her arm like a small child.

Jess gazed at her for a few seconds after she turned away to talk to his uncle. He caught himself and turned his attention back to April, hoping she hadn't noticed his distraction. It was clear from her suspicious sideways glance that she had. April might not be the most emotionally intelligent person he knew (that ran deep in their family), but she had a keen eye for detail.

"So, you really don't have a Facebook? I thought you were just too cool to friend your geeky little cousin." April, for once tactfully, steered the conversation back to where it had been.

"Never had one. Too cool to friend anyone."

"Jess, you HAVE to have a Facebook," she cried, hitting buttons again. Jess was pretty sure she was logging out of her account to create one for him. He peeked over the edge of the screen. Yup.

"I don't need a Facebook. Truncheon has a business page and a 'zine. That's enough social media interaction."

"ALL real authors have their own Facebooks: J.K. Rowling, C.J. Sansom, ZZ Packer..."

"April, if you put my middle initial on there, so help me..."

"You've never even told me. What is it anyway?"

"If I tell you, you'll put it on that stupid thing."

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't. It's not on your book cover, anyway. But what's the big deal? How embarrassing can a middle initial be?"

"I'm not embarrassed. It's just none of your business."

"Dad?" April yelled toward the counter. "What's Jess' middle initial?"

Luke looked up at his daughter and answered, loudly enough for the whole diner to hear, "G."

Luke's girlfriend, Lorelai, snickered. Rory glanced over her shoulder at Jess, curiously.

"Geez," Jess muttered.

Jess picked up his chair and sat next to April, so that he could keep an eye on her screen to make sure she didn't do anything else annoying.

"I'll log you in on your devices and give you your password later. Too many ears here."

Jess closely watched her fingers on the keys anyway. RoRy+Je$$4ever. He looked up at the screen in panic, but there were just asterisks. He snorted. He'd get around to changing the password eventually…probably. Maybe not. His overly perceptive cousin was probably the only person in his life who would still be able to guess that, so it was pretty secure.

"April, don't use that picture!" She was ready to upload a profile picture for him, and her cursor was hovering over one she took at Christmas when he fell asleep on the couch and Doula had tucked him in with her favorite My Little Pony blanket.

"Then which picture? You have to have a picture."

Sotto voce, "I wouldn't if you didn't make me have Facebook." Louder "Not that one, delete it." He reached for her mouse.

April rolled her eyes and pulled it away. "Don't bother; I have backups."

"If this is my official author page, why not just use my book cover?"

"It's a plain black cover."

"It's minimalist."

"Your profile pic will just be a black rectangle!"

"So it's an accurate depiction of my soul."

She clicked through a few folders until she found a photo she'd snapped when visiting him at Truncheon. He was leaning on a display table of books in the lobby, glaring a little because he didn't like having his picture taken. She glanced up at him for approval. 

"Fine," he growled.

"You're not really going to vote for Vermin Supreme, are you? I don't think he's even, like, a qualified write-in candidate."

Jess shrugged.

Just then, Kirk Gleason whizzed and swerved past the window in some kind of propeller-driven vehicle. His schoolteacher wife, Lulu, was chasing after him.

"Kirk, honey, stop that Helicron before you kill someone!" she screamed as she stopped, hands on her knees, panting.

The grouchy, gray-bearded town selectman, Taylor Doose, barged out of his ice cream parlor next door to stand next to her.

"Does he have a permit for that thing?" Taylor demanded.

Jess and April looked at each other and shook their heads. 

"This town is insane," April whispered.

"You're telling me."

*la la la la la la la la la*


End file.
